Battlefield of the Mind

From the beginning of this journey I've talked about how I have had to shift my thinking. I created a paradigm shift from hating how I look to loving myself as I am. It was life-changing! I felt I had slayed the giant - my mind.

However, I've learned as the months have gone by that while I overcame the dislike of my body, my mind is still actively at battle. I can look in the mirror and say "I love my body", yet when I look at a number on the scale the battle rages! I am astonished at how that number affects me.

I do continue to weigh myself daily. I know there are several schools of thought on that practice, however for me, stepping on the scale daily keeps me accountable to my daily eating behaviors.

Here's the amazing thing about my mind. In a range of just 4-5 pounds, my mind can have a raging battle! Example: at one point I was weighing 196 pounds, the next day 195, the next 196. But then the next day, the scale dropped to 192. You might think that would be cause for rejoicing... but no, the battle raged and immediately I thought something must be wrong with me to lose so much so fast. I spent the entire day thinking "how can that be" (and yes I weighed myself 3 times to check). I worried that maybe my weight loss has been a fairly easy road because some medical condition is making me lose weight. Yet, as quickly as I started having those thoughts, the next day my weight was 195, then the next 196. When I hit 196, I was immediately thinking (again) "I'm never going to lose this weight" and "I'm probably going to be 200 pounds the rest of my life" and "I am failing".... UGH!

Several years ago I did a Bible study with several other women with Joyce Meyers' "Battlefield of the Mind". This study taught me that I am not alone in allowing my thoughts to run rampant. It is a signal to me that I am not letting God be in complete control, and that I am hanging on tightly to anxiety and worry instead of full submission.

So for the last few weeks since this started, I've been asking the Lord to help me avoid the battlefield of thoughts. It has been working. I have asked him to give me the courage to rejoice over weight loss, and to accept any weight gain. I've learned to look at the actual reasons behind weight fluctuations instead of letting my mind take over. The Lord has given me the strength to accept backslides and the ability to rejoice when the numbers go down - thanking HIM for the changes, no matter what they are.

There is one thing I know about myself. Staying away from the battlefield is a daily (sometimes hourly!) process. Each day I must ask God for the strength, for his power to ovecome. Each day is new, and each day I am given all I need from God who loves me - no matter the number on the scale!