The way God works

God amazes me. Sometime in the past, I'm not even sure when, I picked up a book at my favorite bookstore (Goodwill, of course) called "The Prayer Diet". Don't remember doing it, don't remember thinking about it, and it landed in my stack of books.





Well, when I was struggling recently, God brought the book to my attention. I was pondering my next step in this journey, looked down and there before me was "The Prayer Diet".





That's the way God works. Truly it was his doing to place this book in my hands at the right time, and then in my line of sight at an even better time. I picked it up and have been slowly reading it over the last week.





One of the first things that hit me to the core was the author talking of a paradigm shift of seeing excess weight not as a problem, but as a blessing. To ask God to teach me to love my body, not hate "being fat". At first I thought, "how can I see this as a blessing after years of being frustrated and hating being overweight?". But I tried. And read some more and tried some more. The author talked of how we learn best during trials and upon hindsight we often see such trials as blessings. He offers that we can look at this trial (of being overweight) as a blessing because it will bring us closer and closer to God. Exactly what I have been praying about in taking this journey!!





So with that, I offer what I believe is a wonderful "before" photo. At first glance I wanted to hate the image I see, but in shifting my thinking to God's way of thinking - I now see the opportunity to come closer to God because of the blessing of being overweight.

I'm reading now about using daily prayer as a guide toward becoming healthier through weight loss. More later.

Onward!

Ouch!

Ever notice that when God works on you it is sometimes ever so slightly painful? I've had an interesting couple of days since my discouragement post. I kept wanting to come here and post, but God kept whispering in my ear "just talk to me". I realized that I am needing to spend time with him first and then write here - not the other way around. So I put the brakes on a few times and just let him work a few things out with me.

One word that kept coming up since yesterday was surrender. Surrender. I surrender. I surrender all. Kept hearing it over and over. I can do anything under the sun to try to be healthier and lose weight - but until I truly surrender it all to him, until I lay it at the foot of the cross and not pick it up, then I will continue to be discouraged and frustrated. And what is the "it" I am surrendering? My life. My vain desires to "look better" or "be smaller", etc, and to submit to God's Holy desires for me - offering my body as a sacrifice to him in order for it to be a temple of his sprit, giving up my desires for what tastes good or is easy to prepare and choose nutritious foods, to prioritize my time better in order to exercise my body the way he designed it. Taking the focus off ME and putting it on God and God alone.

Easier said than done, but I am trying. And it is no coincidence that I am currently reading a book called "Crazy Love". My sweet friend Amy recommended it, and she and I along with another friend are reading/studying together with the book.

I was going to post some of my notes from reading the book... but exhaustion has set in and that will have to wait until tomorrow.

Until then.... onward!

Incredulous

I had an unbelievable disappointment this morning. I stepped on the scale thinking "I've done so well - I've worked so hard - I can't wait to see the number". I stood, staring down at the LED screen as it pulsed zeros across as it read my weight. Up pops 216.0. Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

That can't be right. I've worked, I've tried, I've hoped. Step back on, it has to be an error.

216.0. The highest my weight has ever been. Tears. Frustration. More tears.

God is definitely working on me this morning. I am going to press in to him, seek him, pray more and I will post again later today. I refuse to let discouragement and disappointment derail my hopes,dreams and vision for being a more healthy weight. After all, God gives me COURAGE and HOPE, the other emotions are not of him.

More later.

Onward!

Shaker Hymn

Tis the gift to be simple

Tis the gift to be free

Tis the gift to come down

Where we ought to be

And when we find ourselves

In the place just right,

'Twill be in the valley

Of love and delight

When true simplicity is gained

To bow and to bend

We shan't be ashamed

To turn, turn will be our delight

Til by turning, turning we come round right

~Shaker Hymn 1848

I came across this hymn today and thought about how I've been aiming for simplicity in our home life. Life is so complex that anything I can to to make things more simple, the better. As I read the above hymn, I felt that God was saying even my quest toward a healthier life can (and should) be simple.

"Tis a gift to come down where we ought to be".... to turn back to God is a gift. To turn from sinful behavior is a gift. That is what I am doing - turning from ignoring the fact that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Turning from eating for pleasure (or to stuff pain down) to eating to nourish and strenghten my body. In turning from these things I will indeed "come down where I ought to be" - out of self-indulgence and into honoring God.

The hymn goes on to say "to turn, turn will be our delight". I believe this to be true - that when we change our life to follow God's will, turning from sin becomes a delight not a chore. Right now I have to think about my every action in turning from past bad habits - my prayer is as I turn, turn, turn it will become a delight to do so. That life will be delightful not because of fun food or goodies that I can eat, but because I'm doing it God's way instead.

So as I strive for simplicity in all this, I've decided to focus on just one habit change for awhile. I'm starting out my journey by focusing on increasing my daily activity. I am making sure that I have at least one physical activity each day (a walk after dinner, vigorous yard work) and that I get to the gym at least 3 times per week.

Today I definitely got the vigorous yard work in! We felled several trees yesterday and had huge piles of brush to chip/shred. I was sorting through all the brush and using the loppers to chop it down to size for the guys to put it into the chipper. Lots and lots of pulling, tugging, clipping big branches, etc. We worked out there for almost 2 hours today. In the past I would have just "supervised" the guys :-) and it felt good to be part of the work.

And, speaking of work, this is my first full week starting tomorrow. I'm sad to see summer come to an end, and yet I know the structure of a normal daily routine will help me to create some new habits. More tomorrow...

Onward!

26.2 miles

You may be wondering why I haven't yet talked of weight progress or what I've been eating. Well, I was wondering that too. I was meditating this morning, and I realized that I am looking at this like becoming a marathon runner. No one (well that I have ever heard of) can just decide to run 26.2 miles, tie on their shoes and go out and run 26.2 miles without extensive, intense training. I'm looking at these first few weeks as part of my training to be a "marathoner" for the rest of my life.



I do know that those elite few who are marathoners rarely stop running. It gets in their blood. Sure, over time they may not run full marathons, but they never stop running. I want this journey to be like that for me. I want to go through extensive, intense training to become a marathoner of good health. I want it to get in my blood. I want to never give up on habits that I create over the next 52 weeks. I've already given thought to the fact that at any given time I have 52 weeks ahead of me - I pray I continue this blog all the days of my life. I pray it becomes such a part of me that I never want to turn back to my old ways.



What does that mean for today? It means I'm just starting out - just feeling the waters. If I stick with the marathon analogy - I'm just shopping for shoes! I didn't know what God wanted of me when I listened to his call to do this - I just knew I wanted to be obedient to the call. So during this first week I'm shopping around, checking things out, pondering what it all means. Sure there might be an awesome looking pair of running shoes on the shelf that would make me look cool - but it doesn't mean those are the right shoes for me. Its that way with making life changes - seeking transformation - what works for some might not work for others.



I can't change overnight. I can't wake up tomorrow and run 26.2 miles. I also can't instantly have good habits just because I want them! Sure, I want them - I have a vision in mind of what life might look like in 51.5 weeks, just as a runner can visualize crossing the finish line of their first marathon. This is going to take time - not just the 52 week goal - time to get ready, time to have the proper equipment, time to get advice from those who have gone before (God primarily!), time to get a feel for what works for me, time to adjust to a new outlook and lifestyle.



Several of you have asked "Can I join you on your journey?" The answer is YES!! I wasn't expecting that... but God is so good and knows me and my love of fellowship with others. I believe he is calling those of you who are interested. I don't know what that looks like, but for now I would encourage anyone wanting to join to read the blog daily and post a comment each day. For now I think that would work, don't you! Reading the comments gives me energy and courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other, I'm grateful for each of you who want to come along for the ride!



Back to marathons - brainstorming on what I need to start training:

• resources (books, health professionals, recipes, information, etc)


• equipment (my Bible, my body!, healthy food, exercise equipment, etc)


• support (God, family, friends, etc)


• courage (continued willingness to take each day and give it my best)

Any other ideas on that analogy? I'd love to hear them!

My plan today - prayer, walking, and making good food choices. I also need to bring my husband up to speed (he never opens his FB, so isn't aware of my blog).

Onward!

PS: no photos today - we're on island and my weak connection gets upset if I try to upload! :-)

W1D3

Shout out to my friend K.T. who offered these wonderful words for me last evening:

So I just wanted to be an encouragement that it can be done. “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” I know that God is bigger than a friends tumor, another friend’s rough marriage and everything else. How did I not know that he was bigger than the pounds I needed to lose (or the habits I needed to change.) Slow and steady seems to be the way to make a lifelong change and the little choices do add up. 1-2 lbs a week over the spring/ summer have added up to nearly 30 pounds lighter for me. This still amazes me!

And from A.P.:

Ann, you CAN do this! My sister recently lost 80 pounds. It is life changing. She said, one day at a time, one choice at a time.

I'm finding myself excited about the future instead of combining my thoughts with "If only I weren't so heavy". For years I realized I've held back, not lived up to my potential/what God wants me to do, because I feel the weight has made me someone I am not. As I ponder all of this, I am already starting to feel myself come out - the real me - the one I've hidden because I'm embarrassed about my weight. Even my closest friends probably don't know the whole me, because I've buried me under excuses and denial for so long.

But as K.T. says above, God is bigger than all that! He is bigger than health issues and emotional issues and everything that gets in the way of taking good care of myself and being me. The Word says that our bodies are the Temple of the Holy Spirit. I know that intellectually, but for many years I have not lived as though I believe it. Just for today I am living and treating my body as that temple, in an effort to honor and glorify the God who created me. The God who loves me. I'm doing this for him out of obedience to his call.

Week 1, Day 2

It is amazing what public proclamation does for staying on track! As painful as it was to step out yesterday, it was worth it in exchange for motivation.

For me, the road to transformation begins with focusing on changing habits. Areas I want to change:

• impulsive eating (you know, grabbing something to nosh on without even thinking about it)


• too much Diet Coke (the little pick-me-up that really weighs me down)


• not enough physical activity (every excuse in the book)


• unhealthy choices (see above)


• impatience (what? the weight doesn't fall off? Then I might as well eat a donut)


• perfectionism (I'm a recovering perfectionist - it rears its ugly head from time to time)


• focus on me instead of God (never works)

I was amazed to read my devotional yesterday, God always meets me right where I am. The scripture was Proverbs 3:12 "For whome the Lord loves, He corrects". In this devotional he taught me: "Self-discipline is the mark of maturity. If you don't have control of yourself in a certain area, you are undisciplined. In that area you are not mature. If you want to be a mature Christian, then you must be disciplined. If you want to be free to truly enjoy your life, you must face the truth. You cannot be free if you make excuses for any area of weakness that God has pointed out to you. Everyone has weaknesses: give thanks to God if you discover one of yours today, and trust Him to be strong in that area on your behalf. "

My weakness: self-control/discipline. Thank God for my weakness, for in it God is strong!

I did not do some things today that prior to making this public I probably would have done:

• I did not drink Diet Coke, even though I was at work where that is a habit. I even heard the librarian across the hallway crack open a can of pop and didn't give in! Instead, I chose water and unsweetened iced tea.


• I did not buy a frozen yogurt at Costco. Oh, I wanted to, but I imagined confessing that here and that was enough to have self-control and walk away. Even my shopping was different - bringing home only healthy whole foods/fruits instead of Costco yummy treats.

I thank God for his strength in avoiding those pitfalls. On my own I would have given in, but I've committed this effort to him and to his glory.

Onward!

First step is the hardest

I hate photos of myself. I don't hate myself, just photos. Some would argue that it means I hate myself, but I disagree. I'm really ok with who I am, have a fairly intact self-esteem, its just photos of me that seem foreign. I never thought I'd be heavy. I come from a long line of naturally fit and thin women. Most of my adult life I never had to think about my weight. It never fluctuated more than 10 pounds in any direction. As recently as 13 years ago my mother was concerned that I was "too thin".


And yet, here I am today at 213 pounds on my 5'7" frame. A far cry from "too thin" and definitely not where I want to be. Hard to even type the number and see it on the screen.





I've spent a decade declaring that my weight is because of my thyroid disease. Certainly my thyroid (lack thereof actually) contributes to changes in my metabolism, but if I am going to be real here I have to confess that my weight is due to overeating and underactivity.






I'm stepping out here today because I want to change. It is not just about losing weight. It is about losing the hold food has on me and gaining the motivation to increase my activity. It is about proving to myself and others that I can overcome anything - through Christ and His love for me. I cannot do it without Him, for I can do nothing without Jesus. He is my strength. All glory goes to Him.


God's word says: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". I know those words are true, and yet I am living in defeat over weight gain - living as though I don't really believe it. I feel God calling me to live out those words, to draw on His strength to overcome. This blog is about making the decision to find that strength, to live out His word and to allow Him to transform my life.


Will you join me on this journey?