Number update

This morning the scale read 204! That's 12 pounds down since that fateful 216# day!

I give God all the glory, there is no way I could have done it myself.

All things are possible through Christ!

That FULL feeling

I've noticed an interesting phenomena this week. I am recognizing when I am full much sooner. I've been curious about it: is it because I'm controlling my portions so less is the new more? have I re-trained my body to sense fullness at a smaller amount of food? is it because I have put mindless eating in my past and think about every morsel I put in my mouth? is it a hormonal change of some sort?

Whatever the cause, I'm amazed by it. I've never experienced a sense of fullness while still eating. My entire life I can only remember eating until all food gone and then moments later feeling overfull.

Then I started pondering the idea of "fullness" in relation to my life in Christ. I've chosen to surrender this to God, I've chosen to ask for his guidance on this journey, and I've chosen to give him all the Glory. Is it possible that this full feeling is a spiritual thing? Is it possible that I've worked to be closer to God, and in becoming closer I am more aware of signals my body gives me because I'm filling myself with him instead of food? Could it be?


And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. ~Ephesians 3:17-19

I see it in this scripture. I surrendered to Christ. In doing so, I better grasp his love for me. Understanding his love for me, helps me to love myself (my body). Loving my body (even though my head knowledge tells me otherwise) leads me to be filled with the fullness of God!

And when I'm full of God, I lose the desire to fill myself with food.

Thank you, Lord!! Praise you!!

Onward!

Unexpected triggers

In taking this journey there have been many things that have been easy to identify as triggers for my eating (stress, fatigue, etc). As I have set out to make lifestyle changes, I knew there would be foods or events that would trigger old habits. What I wasn't expecting were things that triggered old ways of thinking - emotional triggers that cause negative thoughts and feelings to resurface.

It happened today. I ran into someone I had not seen in at least a year. Upon seeing her, I noticed that she had lost quite a bit of weight. While I felt no ill toward her, I instantly felt self-conscious about my own weight. My recent changes of loving my body were suddenly transformed back to square one with thoughts of how much I hate how I look right now. I didn't catch myself right away - for probably 10 minutes or more I wallowed in this!!

Thankfully, though, because I've asked the Lord to guide me, after those 10 minutes I suddenly realized where my thoughts, emotions and feelings were going and said "STOP!". I immediately started reminding myself that I do indeed LOVE my body and that I am taking steps to demonstrate that love by making these life changes.

This whole thing truly caught me off guard. I know very well the feeling of tripping over old habits related to eating or ignoring the need to exercise - but steering clear of triggers to the emotional side was quite new. I'm thankful for it - I've spen the evening asking the Lord to help me identify the traps sooner and to help me continue to love my body.

Sigh..... this sure isn't an easy journey - at least not all the time!

One nice victory to report, however :-) .... tonight we had a rowing meeting and there was a Costco cake being served. For the first time (probably in my life!) I had no desire to eat any - AND I had no struggle to avoid it. Normally the entire meeting would have been filled with internal dialoge of "I'm not going to have any" followed by devouring a piece after all. VICTORY! Praise Jesus!

Onward!

Not under the tyranny of food

Amazing things are happening as I surrender. Asking for God's help in overcoming food addiction is resulting in far more than I ever could have imagined. My prayer was to simply come out of the bondage I have been in for so many years, and to live a healthier life as a result.

I'm praying daily - sometimes numerous times each day - for God to help me love my body, to guide me closer to him, and to help me surrender it all to him. Inititally what I began to see was all directly related to food/eating and my desire for increased activity.

Now, however, I'm starting to see a wonderful side-effect! When I surrender and food loses its power over me, other areas of my life seem easier and more real and more enjoyable. I realized this today when I decided to start tidying up the house. Normally I would quickly tire (physically) and get discouraged with "so much to do". Today it was so different - I did not feel overwhelmed by what needed to be done, I didn't get tired physically, and I felt no discouragement whatsoever! AND I had no desire to overeat or to mindlessly eat - I stayed on track food wise the entire day (normally housework leads me to "graze" continually).

I love this feeling of victory and the surprise added benefits. Isn't that just like God? Giving us far more than we ask when we pray. I am in awe of him. And I give him all the glory for everything happening to me!

Onward!

Lifetime

I made "Lifetime" in Weight Watchers back in 1997. Lifetime means you have reached your goal weight and then maintained it for 6 weeks straight. From then on, you are Lifetime and can attend a meeting for free as long as you stay within 2 pounds of your goal weight. Let's just say I don't qualify for free meetings.

I think the new Lifetime for me is the way I'm doing it now. I'm not focusing on the scale, I'm not following some wacky diet, I'm not obsessing with pounds and scales and weighing food and couting calories. Sure, the weight won't come off as quickly as if I were paying $12 a week for someone else to weigh me, but I'm willing to bet it will stay off longer. Besides, my goal weight when I was 33 and had a hyperactive thyroid is a whole lot different now that I'm almost 47 and have no thyroid to speak of... that's just reality, folks.

I do still strive for some great habits Weight Watchers taught me: eating in moderation, don't exclude all your faves or you'll crave them, drink lots and lots of water, exercise is good, etc. But this time it all boils down to one word: SURRENDER.

I surrender my weight to the Lord. I surrender my efforts to the Lord. I surrender my frustration over what the scale says (or doesn't say) to the Lord. I surrender hating my body to the Lord.

I surrender! Here's the white flag, God, cuz I can't do it! Only God can give me the power to overcome the deep seated emotions that lead me to overeating and underactivity. Only God can heal me of the past hurt that makes me to want to stuff things down with food. I surrender!

Challenges, challenges....

We spent the weekend over on Lopez and I discovered that going there is one of my DANGER! zones. I found myself battling the "vacation mentality". You know, the old "we're on vacation, so who cares about nutrition" mindset? Yep, I've always had that. Didn't realize how subliminal it was for me when we went over just for the weekend. I'm happy to say I fought it off quite well.

I stayed on track and didn't go overboard at all - even when faced with the yummy pumpkin bars Meg and Dave made on Saturday evening. They were "healthy" in that they were made to be low fat, etc, however I could have easily eaten 4 or 5 of them in the old days (you know, 3 weeks ago). I allowed myself to have one small piece the night they made them, one on Sunday and one this morning with my breakfast (we had a healthy breakfast buffet for our guests). Oh, it could have been way worse, they were so yummy, but I asked for the strength to eat them in moderation. A victory for sure!

Another of my challenges is B.R.E.A.D. Yikes I love the stuff! And there seemed to be a lot of it around - we had some, then our guests brought some - it was everywhere. I know this is one of my addictions in food, so I focused a lot on alternatives and cutting back from my usual intake. I think I did really well. When we had pulled pork sandwiches I only had half of a bun, and when we had garlic bread I only had 2 small slices. For me that isn't just victory, its a miracle! Take that food - you don't have the same hold on me anymore!!

Got the old bod moving each day, too. We walk a lot when we are there - on beaches and trails - but often it is very casual, easy walking. I made sure to speed things up here and there to get my heart rate up more than usual. (Hopefully that helps to burn off those pumpkin bars!!)

We shall see what the scale says tomorrow. Things were moving in a good direction last time I stepped on. I'm praying my hard work is really starting show in the numbers game.

Onward!

An amazing thing happens when you shift your paradigm

I love my body.

I love my body.

I love my body!

I could not even dream of those words just a month ago. But an amazing thing has happened as I started to shift my thinking from "I hate being fat", "I hate my body" to cherishing the gift of the body I have been given by God.

When I hated my body, I had no reason to take good care of it! Truly it is like a "DUH!" moment for me. No wonder all these years I have mistreated it.

For the last couple of weeks, however, I've been asking God to help me love my body. I have grown to really realize that my body is a gift. That it is the only one I have, and that it is the only vessel I have been given to walk on this Earth to share God's love.

I've been praying a prayer continually "Lord help me to love my body as you do". It is amazing how this has changed my life! I still don't have control - not over food, not over my body, heck, not even over my life! Yet, because I am choosing to see through God's eyes - through His perspective - I no longer even WANT to put something in my body that would cause it harm. Over the weeks I've noticed that my appetite no longer controls me. I've noticed that I don't crave junk food. I've noticed that when faced with "what can I eat?" it is because I am truly hungry AND my choices are always healthy ones (fresh fruit, veggies for snacks). And on occasion, when something has "sounded good" - I am able to evaluate that choice based on whether it would nourish my body or not (and more often than not I chooose something else).

I have never gotten to this point before. And I know this is truly a "One day at a time" thing for the rest of my life. I'm still just at the beginning of my journey, but I journey with the Lord by my side. I surrender all to Him and it is good.

Onward!